Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I forget how to act sober
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
