Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
