I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think i have two assholes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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