I got chris browned last night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
