Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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