I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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