We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
