If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
