Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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