Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
