i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
