Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
