Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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