TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize