and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Girls should come with a carfax report
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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