Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
