How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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