at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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