Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
