my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
