jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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