Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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