I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
