There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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