Betty ford says i'm here all night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
