Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
