my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
