He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
