I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize