I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
