She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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