I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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