Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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