Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize