come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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