I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
