AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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