so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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