is your mom at the bar?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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