Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to wash the frat house off of me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
