I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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