Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
