i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
