It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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