I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize