hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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