im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize