Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
