I think my vagina is haunted
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
