Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
