We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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