Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We're too hungover to prance.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
