I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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