So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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