Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
