Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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