i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
