Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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