I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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