it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
