Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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