don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
