return my video game
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize