Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
